A Postmodern Study of Princesses in Towers
by Veil of Shadows
Summary: A series of interpretations of the classic damselindistress scenario, with a Legendia twist. [JayxMoses, Chloexvarious]


The Role Reversal

The knight's armor gleamed brightly in the sunlight. As he strode up towards the princess's tower, his long, dark hair flew out behind him--

"So is this one of those gender-reversal type things?"

"It's so unusual to see strong women in this field..."

"Well, these are modern times, after all!"

The--very male--knight shot them all a death glare. Fortunately, he was spared the necessity of murdering them all by the appearance of the 'princess', who, hanging out of the balcony window, said, "Come on, Jay, just get me outta here already, will ya?"

"Oh, be quiet, bandit. Just because you have the attention span of a gnat--"

"--hey! Wantin' you to maybe speed up a bit and save me doesn't mean I got a bad attention span. It just means I don't want to be in this craphole another minute--did you see, _they made me wear a dress_."

Jay snickered. "Oh, but bandit, it makes you look so_fetching_."

"Shut the hell up!"

In the crowd, several girls swooned. (Apparently, bickering couples were the new 'in' thing.)

The Proactive Princess

Jay was sitting on top of a pile of bodies.

A very large pile of bodies.

"It's about time, bandit," he said, affecting a heavy yawn.

"Jay...what did you--?"

"Oh, this?" Jay shrugged easily. "I simply got tired of waiting for you to come."

"You didn't have to _kill_ them."

"I didn't kill all of them. Just most."

Moses sighed. "Crazy man," he muttered. "Whatever. Let's just go home, okay?"

The Stolen Steed

He called upon the greatest warriors from all over the land. He tested their mettle, tested it against flesh and bone, and then steel. He trained them, trained their legs to circle the world without complaint, trained their arms to pass through stone, trained their hands to never break.

And then, when he had prepared his followers, he rode with them to rescue the princess.

On six white horses they stormed the enemy tower. Soldier after soldier fell to their might. At last, he reached the very top, where the princess was being held--

Jay shut his book. "If you call me 'princess' one more time, I'm going to file a restraining order," he said acerbically.

"If ya come back with me, I will," Moses responded quickly. "So how 'bout it? I can--"

Jay clapped his palm to his head. "You came all the way here--incapacitating all my guards, by the way, and you do realize that's an act of war, don't you?--just to ask me _that_?"

Moses pouted. "I sent you _three_ letters, and y' never said anything back. What was I s'posed to think?"

"...maybe that I had no desire to talk to you? Or leave my country to ride off with you and live in the dirt?"

"Oi! I _like_ the dirt--" At this point, Moses realized that any further venturing down this line of conversation would (to say the least) do absolutely nothing to acquit him further with Jay, and rapidly changed tacks. "Well, too bad for you, huh?" he said. "You don't got a choice anymore. 'Cause I'm _kidnapping_ you." He put his hands on either side of Jay, pinning the other boy between Moses and the wall.

"You're _what_--oh, never mind. I'm not trying to figure out your logic, it'll give me a headache." Jay closed his eyes for several seconds. He gave a long-suffering sigh. "I should really just kill you now. You and your entire troupe of morons."

Moses recognized this as the part where he danced his victory dance.

"Also, bandit?" Jay carefully pried Moses' arms away from him. "Keep your instincts in your _pants_, will you?"

Moses, feeling rather generous, nodded.

Once they were outside, Jay promptly appropriated Moses' lieutenant's horse. Bastard. At least it wasn't his.

Moses thought they were off to a good start.

BONUS: The Lesbian Harem

"So, um, I was wondering if, uh, well--"

The Diplomatic Princess waited patiently for him to finish.

"--I mean, you don't _have_ to, but, um...um...um..."

There was a long silence, broken only by the clip-clop of a horse's tread, as one very large carriage pulled up.

"Princess."

Senel watched in stupefaction as a dark-haired young woman, clad in simple dress with a long cape, stepped out of the carriage and approached the balcony.

"I've come to rescue you," she said. Her tone was gentle, but firm, unyielding. This was a girl who stood her ground. "Please allow me to catch you. I swear on my honor as a knight that no harm will come to you for trusting me."

The princess smiled, and daintily stepped off the balcony rail. She seemed to almost float down, in a whirl of silk robes and petticoats. "You're Chloe Valens," she said, looking up at the girl who now held her in her arms.

"Yes, I am." Chloe gently lowered the princess to the ground. "Now, ah--I'll take you back home, if that's all right--"

"Hmm," said the princess. "Actually, I'd like to travel with you for a while. You don't mind, do you?"

Chloe blinked. "You too? Ah--I don't mind at all." A soft smile. "There's still room in the carriage, if you'd like to take a seat?"

The princess curtsied. "Thank you very much," she said.

Senel opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Wha--"

"I'm sorry," the princess said. "You were very nice, but--ah, I'm not sure I want to entrust myself to someone who's so...hesitant. And besides," here she smiled, "Chloe is very pretty, isn't she?"

Senel's shoulders slumped in defeat. He had to admit that Chloe Valens _was_ rather attractive.

"Another new one?" he could hear a voice saying. "I still get you first at night, though, right, C?"

"N-norma!"

He wasn't quite sure whether he envied her.


End file.
